Passionate Presence: Seven Qualities of Awakened Awareness by Catherine Ingram

Author:Catherine Ingram [Ingram, Catherine]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Undefined
ISBN: 0978919319
Publisher: Diamond books
Published: 2008-04-23T14:00:00+00:00

the price of compromise

“What does it profit a man

To gain the world and lose his soul?”

— Jesus

One night in a residential retreat in the wilds of Oregon, I was speaking about the importance of honesty in relationships when a woman in the front row raised her hand. I had known this woman for only a short while at this point, and although I felt she had a strong love of dharma, I also sensed her to be burdened by private demons. Her face looked troubled and she walked as if invisible weight pressed on her. So it was not surprising when she said, “For two years I have been deceiving someone I love very much.”

I guessed at what seemed a likely scenario and asked, “Are you having an affair?”

“Yes,” she whispered with bowed head. “And I fear that if my husband finds out I will lose everything I love.”

The crowd of nearly one hundred participants sat in total silence, indeed seemed not to even exist, as the woman and I continued our conversation.

“Well,” I said, looking at her anguished face, “what do you have now? What is the lie costing you? As you no doubt know, the stress is not only in the big lie of the affair itself because the big lie also requires a thousand small lies every day. And each of those small lies chips away at your soul. Whatever you are getting from this situation, the cost is more than the gain.”

The woman nodded knowingly. “What should I do?” she asked.

Although I rarely give specific advice to people about what changes to make in their lives and would not necessarily respond this way in all circumstances, words poured out in her particular case. “The first thing you have to do is tell the truth.”

The woman sat silently for an eternal moment and said simply, “Yes, that is what I have to do.” And then a wonderful thing occurred. The strain of her compromise lifted from her face and was replaced by the peace of integrity. At that moment I knew that she had returned home to herself. Through tears of relief she asked if she could leave the hall right then and there to go to her husband and tell him the truth. Although this would mean that she would be driving out of a wilderness area late into the night, it seemed the perfect thing for her to do. As she hugged me goodbye in front of the spellbound crowd, I whispered in her ear, “Whatever happens, you will walk in freedom.” She practically skipped out of the room.

Two days later she came back to the retreat, beaming. In our evening session I called on her to tell us what had happened as we were all, of course, dying to know. After leaving us those few days prior, she had arrived home to the surprise of her husband and had told him the whole story of her affair. He was so hurt and angry that they postponed further conversation on the subject until the next morning.

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